I agree. Although with our oldest, my wife knew since she was one-year-old. My wife can spot a person with ASD a mile away. It’s a natural talent she honed by working with the severe ASD population at one point.

The issue is you don’t want parents to get into the blaming game for who's the cause of their child’s outcome. Or worse, they internalize it in such a manner that they blame themselves and become depressed. Knowing is fine, but that’s all it is. Just knowing in case you as the parent need help. It also provides your child a sense of kinship. That they are not the odd person out.

I was in my late 30s to early 40s when I was diagnosed. There was no lightbulb for me. Only confirmation of my wife’s suspicions. For me, it shattered my mind into two realities. I had always seen myself as a person like everyone else. Nothing unique. Now I was being told I had autism. So now I live with two parts of myself. A part that was one way, and a part that is another. From my understanding, It is not uncommon for men going through couple therapy to be told they are autistic only for the man to deny the diagnosis with rage and fury at such an absurd idea. Male resistance to the idea of being told they are something else than what they've known their whole life can be mentally unsettling.

Seth Underwood

Seth Underwood


50+ Autistic, sufferer of chronic migraines, writer of dark science fiction, player of Genshin Impact and Mike Pondsmith Fan. Race- human. Not gnome or elf.