How Diabetes and Autism Can Ruin Kissing in Your Marriage
Recently I was reading a Medium article by Leslie Doares originally published in The Good Men Project, titled “Kissing: What It Reveals About Intimacy With Your Wife” and how kissing is important to a healthy intimate relationship.
I agree that kissing is important, and it gets harder when you are autistic. Some autistics, like my eldest, think it’s downright gross. For me, kissing my wife is the height of ecstasy. The problem for me is it’s not top of mind (you’d think it would be, but it’s not) and I’m usually preoccupied with something else. Ah, the joys of the autistic mind; it always comes back to our special interests.
Adding to this is the fact I’m diabetic.
What does diabetes have to do with kissing issues? A heck of a lot. First off, diabetes can cause xerostomia or what is commonly called dry mouth. I get this all the time. Sometimes it’s called cotton mouth because it has the same feel as having cotton balls in your mouth. It’s the direct result of not having enough saliva or spit.
For those with diabetes, it can cause a host of problems dealing with controlling mouth bacteria and removing acids in the mouth. So, you are looking at increased tooth and gum decay, and bad breath. Making things worse, some diabetic medications, like Jardiance, pull sugars off through increased urination. That’s going to make you dehydrated, adding to the lack of saliva. Worse is some medications used for treating autism, like anti-depression medications, can do the same. Dry mouth can also lead to problems with the sinuses since the whole air pathway is connected. You could end up with a reoccurring sinus reaction causing a post-nasal drip.
It’s suggested that a person with a dry mouth chew sugar-free gum or suck on sugar-free hard candy, sleep with a humidifier, and/or drink plenty of water.
Being Ready to Always Kiss
Iam much older now, and I never was one to carry a small bottle of breath spray. No one ever told me that my breath stank, but then again, being autistic, I never got in anyone’s face.
Except now I’ve been married to an NT wife for 25 years, and this stuff is supposed to be top of mind. Early on, it was for me, but marriages age as we age. Life intrudes into things, and my autism chases after those shiny things it likes.
It requires a lot more mental effort than it used to be aware of my mouth’s condition for kissing. I know that sounds stupid, but it’s a byproduct of my aging autism.
Therefore, I have this old picture of my wife on my desk. It reminds me of such things.
When I don’t think about the condition of my mouth, then the dry mouth sets in. Then, when I want to kiss her, she recoils. Yes, it’s correctable, but the moment is lost. I’ve missed my chance to surprise her. That surprise passionate kiss that I still love her.
Maintaining a readiness to kiss at a moment’s notice requires diligence to maintain more than simple routines. If it were about routines, then my autism could easily adapt to them. No, it’s far more than that, it’s about being always aware of your mouth’s health. Keeping at the top of mind that your mouth’s health is highly important, just like exercise and eating right. Doubly so when you are diabetic.
